The Ides of April - Meaning & Myths
I used to dread April 15th.
I used to dread my birthday, April 22nd.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I made the connection.
Sometime the week before my 9th birthday, my Dad told me he was moving out and that he and mom were getting a divorce.
He didn’t show at my birthday party at Showbiz pizza. He sent a tiny diamond ring.
In the weeks following, we had to move out of our house, our car was gone, my mom lost her job and we changed churches. Short story: Dad owed a lot of back taxes b/c he forgot to fill out a particular contractor form for years. The IRS took what they could.
I had just changed schools a few months before. 1983 was a doozy and I decided that I didn’t like the IRS or my Birthday.
Everyone has some kind of money distress; those with or without. So many of those hang ups likely come from childhood and how we were raised with understanding it. I wax on about the importance of knowing what’s “worth it” as opposed to “can’t afford it” here.
I’ve always had someone else do my taxes, never wanting to be responsible for a screw up. Underlying message is if I screw up with money, my whole world can turn upside down.
I was recently ruminating on this seemingly arbitrary fear of this date. When March 15th rolls around, I always think “beware the Ides of March”. A line from Shakespeare’s Julius Ceasar, but also the date when people settled up accounts in Ancient Rome. Why isn’t March 15th that the tax due date?
In fact, March 15th used to be the tax deadline here in the US, until 1955. Read about that history here if you’re curious like me.
Birthdays tend to be a time of celebration. And, after that devastating one, I wasn’t much into it. I would be bewildered when people would do something outrageous to celebrate this normal marking of time. I refused to see what was special. When you don’t get your hopes up, they can’t be dashed.
I started working with a Grief Coach this year. Kelly has been a lovely guiding light for me. At the end of every session she asks, “how can I celebrate you today?”
The first time she asked, I was taken aback; and blushed. “Umm…. That I showed up…?” And then she praises me for that and it feels like being honored and seen.
Keith through me a huge surprise party a few years ago. It was so wonderful and lovely. I felt honored and celebrated.
I still get a little trepidatious about my birthday.
My stomach still churns a little as I gather my tax info for my accountant.
But, the taxes are still due, and the birthdays still come - thank goodness!
So, in celebration of my upcoming advancing age, I embrace what it feels like to be celebrated. Clients of mine should expect this question in sessions from now on.
What about you?
What would you like to be celebrated for today?