If you are a student of the nervous system, been in trauma therapies, you are likely familiar with the Freeze mode. Fight and Flight are the nervous system’s fright reactions most frequently referenced, maybe because they are the most noticeable. Fighting and Running away can make a dramatic impact.

The Freeze mode is sly. When we don’t react (run/fight), maybe because it’s too dangerous, or we have no power (children), the nervous system goes one notch farther down into survival mode… stay still, hoping the danger passes. The Fawn response isn’t talked about as much either. Similar to Freeze, Fawning is an instinctual response to avoid conflict. The first time I read through some traits (recently!), I was like…oh, that’s me too!

Fawn response:
Lack of identity, People-pleasing, Little or no boundaries, Codependent relationships, Prioritizing other’s needs over your own

In Freeze or Fawn mode, people can seem fine on the outside. That’s what makes this the most insidious survival mode, and makes for prolonged trauma living in the body without investigation.

I was in the freeze/fawn mode for much of my life. I first became aware of this 8 years ago, and this is why self-awareness is so important for me. Freezing is still my go to quick response when I’m scared. I can recognize when I’m frozen now. Even during some really hard and traumatic moments these last few years, I’ve been able to see myself in that state, and have been able to guide myself out with the tools I’ve acquired over the years. And, occasionally, I’ve just let myself be there. I recognize it and am unwilling to move; accepting the freeze. Allowing myself to be in the freeze allows me to feel safer with as much stillness and quiet I can get. I’ve been successfully working on those fawn traits, setting boundaries, learning to say “no”, years of getting to know myself, studying codependency and working on my communication in relationships. All of that work helps me keep the response at bay (most of the time).

These last couple of years, I’ve spent a lot of time fighting the freeze mode. In the early days of the pandemic, as soon as we were told to stay at home, I could feel the anxiety of feeling stuck; of course, along with the uncertainty of the unknown horrors ahead. I gave myself pause when I typed that last sentence. Is it too much? Horrors? No. We lost almost 1 million people in this country to a virus that some people don’t see as a big deal. I hope I won’t become apathetic to that.

As 2021 brought even more loss into my life, I was reevaluating everything. My relationship to music was strained. That’s significant for a performing musician who also coaches singers every day. Here are some connections I’ve made to music being my savior, and a nuisance:

Singing saved me from being completely stuck as a child. The active vocal vibrations stimulated my vagus nerve enough to keep going. Everyone thought I was a happy kid.
Other times, it feels like I’ll die if I have to move or make a sound. Silence and stillness feel desperately necessary.
I can get lost and transported to euphoric spaces listening to music
Some music feels like nails on a chalkboard in my innards; I want to run or scream

The Freeze mode is often what prevents me from making music at home on my own, and why making music and working with voices in my coaching practice is often good for my system, as it can help me stay in the present moment and unstuck.

Gigging in the pandemic was hard on my nervous system. I was actively scared, and asking my body to do something it didn’t want to do. Performing in public when I was nervous to be in public felt like a betrayal of myself. I couldn’t name that then, but now I see it. My desire to not let down my partners was stronger than my loyalty to myself. I’m sitting with that now, and trying to be more faithful to me.

Did the pandemic and mom’s Alzheimer’s and the hateful politics in this country strip by nervous system bare to point of constant overwhelm? I picture the erosion of the plastic around a cable of wires, and my nerves are exposed to the world. I know others have felt like this.

I definitely noticed a shift in December. My body was releasing a lot of the pain from loss and settling in for the winter. It may be the first winter I’ve enjoyed in a long time. I’ve honored my body with sleep and rest like never before, and I feel her earning for blossom. In this entryway of Spring, I feel energized, ready for adventure, at peace in my body and in my world.

I know the world continues to be a shit-fire-storm, and I try to ride that line of being aware so that I can do something if a call to action arises, but not let it consume me to the point of checking out.

My little corner of the world feels very peaceful right now, and I’m living for that!

And, I’m so grateful for the coaching and therapies I’ve received these last several years to help me become my most real self; thawing out that deep freeze that set up in my body long long ago. This spring feels extra special.

Where might you be stuck?
What do you need to release?
What are you aching to blossom?
How can you use your voice to generate wellness?
Our voices have so much power.

Take care of you,
julie