Yet another Seth Godin post had me noodling on criticism recently. Harsh Feedback- - (Look for the Fear)
One of my jobs is listening to voices and giving feedback. Not judging.
I analyze muscle movements that affects sound.
The client get to pick the sounds they want.
I can help them find the ways to engage or disengage muscles (feet to eyebrows) to get closer to the desired sound.
Secondly, I’m an empathetic ear, listening for meaning; intention; emotional engagement. One can be 💯 technically proficient and miss the desired sound because you’re not feeling the song. This is a crucial component of singing; physically for the singer, and definitely in how a listener will be affected.
As I started my journey of getting to know myself, about 8 years ago, I often reflect how I hold space in the studio, and how I’m doing in this job of giving feedback.
In my self-aware/analysis journey, I’ve made a concerted effort from time to time to be aware of how I interact with students/clients. Making sure I’m generous enough; sometimes I get lost in analysis/detective mode and forget the praise portion! Noticing if I’m harsh, what’s the fear? Working through and healing from different childhood traumas, I’m now more aware of how I get triggered by looks, tone of voice, words, demeanor. I recover more quickly now. And, occasionally I can get triggered by a client. More important these days is that I can notice if the clients are getting triggered and don’t know it.
By the way, usually the fear that is triggered is being afraid that I don’t know enough, or that I’m wrong. Early in life I linked being right with being safe.
When I’m grounded and content, I’m much more prepared to be aware of myself and my responses and interactive energy with my clients.
Seth’s post also included self-criticism as an example of harsh feedback. If I had a nickel for every time I heard, “That was awful!” in the studio….Ooh, I’d be rolling💰
So, I ask…
What is your fear around singing?
Do you have a fear of being heard in general?
Do your answers have to do with other people?
Getting to the root of the fear opens us up to the awareness, making it possible for a change, which could lead to a different outcome.
I encourage my people to be curious.
Rather than “ick, that’s awful” how about “why don’t I like that sound”?
That is much more helpful in finding a desired sound. Because we can be so surprised (happily or disgusted) by the sounds that come out of our face, we tend to react suddenly and with harsh judgement.
Try to be curious and kind. It’s a much more pleasant journey! 🥰