“We’re wired to believe something, but the specifics of what we believe often come from other people.
Belief increases the efficacy of our practice, but …
Our choice of media and cultural inputs matter, now more than ever. When we choose what to see and who to hang out with, we’re actually choosing our future.” ~ Seth Godin
I dig this. I get this.
I’m an Observer by nature and nurture; soaking it all in.
I’m a Sponge.
Belief Can Keep us Stuck
There is part of me that is susceptible to belief, and another part that is strongly cynical and doubtful (my Gen X is strong!).
Raised in the Southern Baptist church, I believed what I was taught. I believed Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary; I believed Jonah really lived in the belly of a whale; I even believed Catholics weren’t Christians. That belief was a shock to some lovely Catholic friends I made in college. One of the many moments in those years when my beliefs started unravelling.
Beliefs are tricky. I don’t remember anyone ever saying “Catholics aren’t Christians” it was implied. This is how covert beliefs work. A culture imbues them to our thinking/believing. I’ve consulted many of my former evangelical folk who also came away with this belief w/o knowing where it came from.
Indoctrinated beliefs dig in deep. It’s taken me more than 20 years to recover from the harm of the culture of these evangelical beliefs. Not that believing Jonah was in a whale was harming me. In fact, it’s unimportance in the roots of my belief system is maybe why I got angry, when I didn’t want to let it go. I got angry because I got scared.
I was scared that if I didn’t believe Jonah was in the whale, how could I believe anything? And, angry again, that maybe I believed all of these things originally because I was afraid. Knowing my family and teachers at church, I know I was taught to believe all of these things out of love. And, of course, that is why LOVE can be so confusing too.
The Yearning & Wariness of Belief
There have been many years since that I have yearned for a belief in something greater, and afraid to devote much energy to it just the same. The notion still too tethered to religion and the hurt and harm that came from it. The links between my Christian faith as a child and my experience of loving, albeit neglectful parenting, are so intertwined deep in my psyche, that healing from trauma has become my mission.
I’ve got just enough cynicism in me, or maybe caution now, that I’m alert when I disagree with someone whose work I respect.
As I’ve traveled the trauma recovery path, becoming an entrepreneur, looking to sources for healing and thriving, I have followed the writings and teaching of folks who have also been down this path. In Danielle LaPorte’s “White Hot Truth”, she reveals the highs and lows of her journey to fulfillment and encourages clarity for those seeking. There was this one sentence that resonated with me, and has reverberated in me since…
“Take what works; leave the rest.”
That has been so helpful.
I’m still looking to believe.
And, I’ve had to learn to be discerning on what helps and what doesn’t.
I’ve followed Seth’s and Danielle’s work for 10 years now. Read over 50 books on Healing from trauma, overcoming resistance, inspiring and creativity development, and other sources on creating healthy relationships, close and within community.
I’ve sought out people who know more than me, so that I could learn, could change. And, finding the right people (therapists, coaches) to move forward.
All of these sources helped me form new thoughts, new ways of being, so that I could make important changes in my life.
Side note:
How do you know if you have the right people? Do you feel challenged; even scared, to try some of the new ways of being? When you do it, does it make shifts that get you closer to your heart desires?
Search, Question & Create
For most of my life, I have needed to know the right answer, believe the right thing. Likely stems from this codependency that my uber-religious and emotionally neglected upbringing gave me.
When we seek to learn something new, most of us just assume that the person we find to teach us will give us the answers we need. And this right here is how coaching changed my life. I looked to my coach for answers and she asked me more questions. Oof, that could be frustrating! Most weeks I’d come away with a new book to read, a new personality test to take; it was not easy. And, I’m so grateful for that hard work. She taught me how to collect information and think for myself, and then I get to choose what to believe. Thanks Elizabeth.
I could easily have fallen into the well of blind belief from them all. Rather, they have been sources for helping me establish my own beliefs.
In the beginning of this journey, I unravelled a deep fear. I feared being alone. And, by keeping everyone at an arm’s length away from my heart, I was basically fulfilling my own fear. I was alone. I believed I was doing what I needed to do in order to be safe. It wasn’t serving me.
I desired to have more authentic relationships with people; that meant I had to get clear and honest with myself. And, some of that was just plain ol’ detective work. I had to get to know myself in a way I’d never allowed. I had to explore; identify my favorite foods, art that moved me; what was important to me - not because someone said it was important, but because it FELT important. I had to find what was meaningful and fulfilling. No one else could actually give me that.
Take what works; Leave the Rest
I didn’t expect this work to seep into my profession. As a voice teacher, I was constantly learning, and soaking up new science and philosophies, and I felt secure in my knowing; knowing that I had the answers, and could give them.
And, wouldn’t you know it, not all of those answers are agreeable. There is nuance in everything. And, in these last 10 years of teaching, since I’ve been on my authentic journey, I’ve noticed how often I change my mind; how I find a limiting belief that is keeping me stuck and a client comes in doing all the things I think they shouldn’t, and I am humbled. Because, it totally works for them! So, I adjust.
The other day, I was reading Seth’s daily blog and thought… “mmm, I don’t know Seth. I don’t know that I agree”. He brought up Resistance, and shared Steve Pressfield’s definition: the inertia, stories and excuses we manage to create to avoid powerful or creative work. Then, went on to say how in recent years, resistance has been spreading as a cultural norm. It’s not that I disagree with the thesis per se; I’m holding the allowance for the collective exhaustion from our new age hi-tech, unjust world and say to myself, “it’s okay if it takes a little longer to ‘ship the work’” as Seth often refers to our collective creativity.
It was a full circle moment for me. Pressfield’s The War of Art on how resistance keeps us from putting our work into the world, was one of the first books Elizabeth had me read almost 10 years ago now.
I was Resistant to change; now I expect it.
I was Resistant to love; now I’m in it; I AM it. YOU are too!
I was Resistant to not knowing; now I allow it.
Awaken to Your Desires - Set New Beliefs
We can want something and still resist the path to getting it.
My Awakening to do this work was fierce enough to drive me into this work of seeking change; finding new patterns, new beliefs, new ways of Being, new ways of thinking. It was not easy; there was a lot of grief, and it is maybe what I’m most proud of and grateful for today.
Do you desire change?
Are you wanting something else? Something new?
Do you want a different way of being?
Are you seeking authentic relationships?
Do you dare dream/desire?
What needs to be Awakened?
Have you had that moment, and now you’re looking for a guide along the way?
The best coach in the world is only as effective as a client who is willing to dive in.
Are you ready?