Originally titled, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, I was thinking myself clever, and then remembered… “oh, I’ve read that book!”
BRENE & PERFECTION
The Gifts of Imperfection was the first book by Brene Brown that I read. I read it 9 years ago. Wow! I had to look that up. This is also the book she and her team recommend starting with if you are new to her work. I highly recommend it if you are seeking deep understanding and acceptance of self, and are looking to build up your self worth.
Back to my not-so-original brilliant thought… I was musing the other day on all that I’ve gained by giving up (or, trying to give up) perfection.
Whether people would’ve known this or not, I used to:
Feel Uptight / Rigid
Be an Uber-planner
Be Obsessed w/ Control
Be Worried about what people thought about me - a lot
Feel Anxious, Anxious, ANXIOUS! most of the time
Perfectionism fed these heart-racing (raging) traits.
I occasionally hear people speak of their perfectionistic tendencies with pride in their voices. I wonder if they are as fearful and as unhappy as I was.
THE AWAKENING
The beginning of this “who do I want to be” journey started with an awakening to something not being quite right. I had my own awakening when I was in the forest and howling began. I literally got “scared awake”.
That jolt to my nervous system created a stir of a deeper awakening that had me fully looking around at my life within 48 hours. I traipsed through the woods, anger building. Confusion was there too; and a desperation for something different.
It was like an inner eye opened to see all the things I hadn’t been ready to see. It took me 2 days to make a phone call: I think I need to talk to someone.
2 years later, I was going through my DISC assessment with my coach, and I was challenging the results that were indicating I was a perfectionist. I argued, but that’s not me - even then, I had a picture of a prissy uptight person who needed everything to be just right - that was NOT me.
Oh, but… it was. After those two years of digging in; finding what I needed to release, change, in order to have that more fulfilling life, I wasn’t holding so tightly to my pride anymore.
I was asking for, seeking, desperate for change. Yep, ok, I see it. I get a little flummoxed (sometimes, outright UNDONE) when my plan goes awry; when the sticky note isn’t in the exact right spot.
THE RELEASING
Making changes, releasing control, has been slow and steady, and the unfolding to the more secure person I am now has been less bumpy, the longer the journey.
This summer gave me something I didn’t expect… time. Time to reflect, a need to look inside that I didn’t see coming.
This last year has been pretty great. I’ve been in a good spot. AND, maybe because I lost my NEED for reflection and stillness, some of my regular practices were out of habit. It took a little unsettling to bring me back to it. Back to my true self that desires and dreams.
And, I’ve been tickled to find that I’m so much more easeful now. I recover more quickly when I’m able to name what’s amiss, what I’m feeling, and share those feelings with people in my life. And, I have to do all of that to figure out in order to ask for what I need.
Then, it’s a matter of trust and willing to let go.
The GIFTS/REWARDS
My anxiety ebbs and flows with life’s natural ups and downs; it’s not a constant humming thrum inside like it used to be.
I don’t get undone by changes in a plan; or when I can’t control a situation. In fact, I often don’t even try to control most things any more.
That is a bit tricky, as I am a coach, teacher, organizer of events, “in charge” of stuff. Yet, I have so much more flexibility and fluidity around an outline, or idea I create.
If someone didn’t have a good time, or something I provided did not work for them, I am not derailed into worrying about all the things I did wrong. We reassess and move forward.
I sing so many songs, almost every weekend now. I don’t get flustered or embarrassed (much less ashamed) when my voice slips, or I forget a lyric, or my pitch goes flat. I take a breath and go onto the next line, the next song.
It’s all so much more easeful.
These are MY gifts of imperfection.
Do you have any to celebrate? Do you need some coaching to find your gifts/rewards of Imperfection. I promise it’s life-changing!
~ julie 💙💚