I’m angry.
And, I’m angry that I’m angry.
I’m angry that some people starve themselves to aim for a smaller body. I’m angry that I used to do it. I’m angry that I still crave the smaller body.
I’m angry that people call losing weight being healthy. I’m angry that people assume living in a larger body means it’s unhealthy. It’s statistically untrue.
I’m angry that people (corporations) get rich off of people’s misery and low self-esteem. I’m angry I’ve given them my money, just to prolong my conflict with food and my body.
I’m angry when people comment on people’s food choices, prolonging the dangerous myths and contributing to the chipping away at self-esteem.
I’m angry that “you look good, did you lose weight?” is seen as a compliment. I’m angry that people share “funny” memes making fun of the “summer” or “pandemic” body - often a jab themselves, not realizing that it perpetuates harm to themselves, and all of us!
I’m angry that I get ignored in a larger body. I’m angry that people don’t know that it is the prejudice against larger bodies that affects our physical health more than any food we put in it.
I’m angry that I still worry what people think as my body has gotten bigger.
And… I’m grateful.
I’m grateful that I’m taking care of my mental health, which has a great physical benefit.
I’m grateful that I’m repairing my self-esteem and my relationship with my body and food.
I’m grateful for the #antidiet and #healthateverysize movements and research that has educated and comforted me.
And, it’s a tough balance, because everyday I’m faced with the world’s prejudice and insensitive comments. #IFYKYK
Sometimes I get a little snippy or get on my high horse about it all, and those moments don’t feel good either. The anger spills over sometimes. Then, I reset, and adjust.
Allowing Feelings & Processing
These were my feelings the other day. I don’t feel them as intensely today. Writing it out helped. I thought I’d make a post; then it was too long, so I figured I’d make it a blog.
Allowing and expressing my feelings helps process, so I can move through it. And, to share them allows me to be seen. Perhaps you know me a little better now.
We have compassion when we know people. Whenever I feel that my compassion is low for someone, I try to remember I need to get to know them. And, sometimes, that means, I have to reconnect to my self, and show me some compassion too.
Feelings & Performing
In my work with singers, I frequently talk about letting emotions come across in our singing, and also address what it’s like to sing expressively when you’re not “feeling it”.
If I had to go sing when I was in the throw of these feelings the other day, I would be hard pressed to perform as freely and easily as I might like to. And, if I’m worrying about my body on stage, I can’t feel the music; I can’t connect, to myself or others…
Sometimes the music can transport me, and shift my thinking/feeling. And, when the emotions are too heavy, doing the work on self-acceptance it super helpful.
In order to connect to my voice, my self, my emotions… in order to connect to YOU.. I need to be IN my body, accept it, and allow it to move and be whatever it is. This is where I experience the crossroads of Body Acceptance & Loving My Voice!
Here is a list of Instagram accounts that I follow who are working to change the culture around body stuff:
@drmorganfrancis
@bodyimage_therapist
@tanyamark
@thefuckitdiet
@bravespacenutrition
@mollybcounseling
@beauty_redefined
@chr1styharrison
@thebodyisnotanapology
@scarrednotscared
@i_weigh
@neffselfcompassion
Expressively Yours… julie 💙