Patterns.
Habits.
We fall into them, out of them. We get stuck. Sometimes that’s helpful, sometimes not.
I find it easier to consider changing patterns than changing habits. Maybe it’s the history of language and what it means. “Stop cracking your knuckles; stop biting your nails"… such a nasty habit.” There’s too much judgment; I don’t respond well to criticism. Do you?
A common habit I talk about is “clearing the throat” - it truly can become a habit; especially after a sickness/a prolonged cough. We “clear” because it feels like excess mucus is on the vocal folds. Here’s the problem...
When we clear the throat, the vocal folds smack together; hard. They are made up of delicate gelatinous tissue. Imagine slapping your arm or leg over and over; much tougher tissue, the skin, and eventually it will turn red and swell.
And, here’s the crazy thing…
When we “clear the throat” the brain gets the message that there is trauma in the throat, so it sends more mucus to lubricate/comfort. This action is continuing the excess mucus problem. Vicious cycle.
People can still sing with a throat clearing habit. Just might make highest/lowest range harder, might make flexibility harder, but we live and create with what we have.
I offer the advice, share the science, and ultimately it’s the person who has to decide to make the change; how important is it?
Sometimes changing is VERY important, and yet, still seems impossible. Especially when it comes to our bodies.
Back in October, I decided I was ready to move more. I started walking; at least 3-4x a week. I was enjoying it. Surprise!
I mean, some days I didn’t wanna, but most of the time I went anyway. Some days I just took the shorter loop; still felt good.
It’s hard to start a new thing. It’s hard for me. I do get stuck easily. I don’t really think of it in that old adage way: stuck in a rut. Because, mostly, I even have liked my stuck places.
Moving has been hard for me most of my life. My mom was always afraid I was going to get hurt, or get dirty, and I don’t remember playing outside. I must have, but I can’t picture it. I didn’t play sports in school.
My sister loved sports. She wanted to play with the boys (she’s older, and didn’t have many options back then).
I would panic during P.E. I was a big kid, and many of the activities were hard for me, or just embarrassing since I didn’t have much coordinated active practice. And, the gym clothes. And, the larger body thing. Torture. I had bouncy boobs in 4th grade 😒 #IYKYK
Exercise was also inextricably linked to losing weight; a means to an end. My brain saw it as horrible as starving myself (which dieting is - mental and physical starvation - and why it can’t last b/c it goes against nature - another story - another time). I would sweat through Richard Simmons’ exercises with my mom (we listened to cassette tapes!). She saw it as torture; means to an end. So, I did too.
As an adult, I would join gyms periodically; like before I got married (had to look good in my wedding dress 🙄). I have rosacea, and my face would turn purple in aerobic classes; people were always checking on me… embarrassing!
I finally found the joy of moving with yoga. It was then that I was noticing (not judging) my body; noticing what felt good, what didn’t, what was challenging, what I could endure for the sake of balance, strengthening, etc. It is the only activity that I have enjoyed and stayed with somewhat regularly. Whether it was once a week, 4x a week, skip a month, come back 2x week. Somewhat!
Then, 2020. I became still again. Really still (you know!). After a few weeks, I started walking. I’m sure you did too. We worked from home; we stayed home; the walk was the respite! The walk was the break; the freedom!
Then came the year from hell that flattened me. Some days I couldn’t get off the couch. When I had clients, I’d move to the chair to be upright for a couple/few hours at a time with my computer, and plop back onto the couch when I had a break. Aches and pains, irritated back would come and go, and I’d tune into Yoga w/ Adrienne on YouTube and think, yeah, I’m going to start doing this!!
I’ve always been shit with exercise from home. I might get on a kick one week, but we know, to change patterns, some say 14 or 21 days straight is necessary. I don’t know that I’m up for that kind of commitment mentally.
Back to October… I was at the beach for 20 days (working; see my site for Heart - Voice Beach retreats in May!). I forgot my Lexipro at home and walked on the beach every day. I never went back on the drug, and so far, so good.
When I got home, I knew I wanted to keep walking. I was enjoying it. Then, the week before Christmas my left heel started hurting; a pain that didn’t go away… plantar fasciitis 😩
So, the last few weeks have been kind of depressing on the movement front. Now I’m looking into places to swim, or cycle, something off my feet. Also, I think it would help to get back into yoga! That means, I need to get out of the house; changing more patterns.
It’s hard changing patterns. I’m gonna do it; I’m just grumpy about it. And, slow. It’ll happen when it happens. Hoping I’ll find it a colorful experience.
Any patterns you’re trying to change?
I’m rooting for you. AND, feel free to take your time and be gracious with yourself if it doesn’t stick.
julie
art by @raminnazer