How do you see yourself?
What is your identity? Is that who you are?
My therapist turned me onto the Jungian map of the psyche recently. I was stuck in a usual place; and was confusing my networking self with my true self. I have unresolved fear around coming across fake when talking about what I do with strangers. And, the map showed me that the Persona is closest to the outside world, and my ego, closer to my true self is the one that likely barks the fears at me; gets wounded.
The Ego
I came across this snippet when researching identity and ego last week:
The ego has gotten a lot of bad rap, but the truth is that the ego is neither negative nor positive. It is merely a sense of self that allows us to operate and function in the world, giving us an idea of who we are and where we belong. The ego is only problematic when it takes control over us rather than our true selves being in control, and when the things it tells us to do or how it is interpreting events becomes damaging to us and/or others…
From Understanding the connection between the identity and the ego (TrainersLibrary.org)
My Identity
I’ve also found that when I attach tightly to my identity…
I am a singer, teacher, healer, business owner
I am an ESFJ, a 9w8
I am highly sensitive; I am anxious
I am not an artist (interesting)
I’m a winter (thanks Mary Kay! colors done at age 12)
I’m a Taurus
I’m a soprano
… I’m still not in my true self.
Because I am so much more; and all of these identify markers are fleeting, or changing, or not able to tell the whole story of being me.
My birth date gives me the Taurus horoscope to read, and for me, that’s mostly a little fun, and a little bit of a reminder: Is there something to look out for this week? A reminder to practice being in flow and flexible, just like I try and remind myself all the time anyway. And, you know what, I get something out of reading all of the other signs as well. Identifying as a Taurus just gives me, or others, a little tiny foothold into maybe/kind of guessing a few things about me. that important to my identity as a human, worthy of love and goodness.
I’m not too tied to being a Taurus as a crucial part of my identity. But, identifying as a singer? Pretty closely attached to that one. So much so, that I labeled myself going through an existential crisis a couple of years ago, because part of me didn’t want to sing anymore. I was also going through a dark night of the soul period.
Pitfalls of Holding on too Tightly
Working on voice recovery with so many folks who are on the other side of a vocal injury, I’ve witnessed the fear and desperation that comes with finding a new voice, or a new way into finding their sound; frustrated that it doesn’t come as easy, sound the same. The voice is resilient! I’ve seen the recoveries; and I’ve seen the adjustments made.
And, it changes; injury or not. Our voices are affected by hormonal changes, throughout our lives. The attachment to being known as a singer, identifying most strongly with being a singer, can be brutally depressing when it’s not the same anymore.
Even identifying intensely with a voice part, like “I am a soprano” or “I am an alto” can lead to disappointment when the voice changes. There is often a lot of story and identity wrapped around that little sentence for many folks. Mostly, I think that attachment to a voice part is just so limiting. Especially because those terms are almost exclusively within a choral context, and create limiting beliefs about what they can or can’t do with their voice outside a choral experience.
For me, “I’m a soprano” used to also mean ...
I can’t sing low notes
I can’t sing harmony
Afraid of being seen as a diva
My pride was wounded when someone else could sing as high, or 😟 higher(!) than me
See. Lots of limiting beliefs that created tension and pathways into low self-esteem.
Releasing Identity, Giving the Ego a Break
Perhaps when we release our tight grip on an identity, and change the language, we give ourselves more space, more freedom, to be more. To sing more. Singing low harmonies are now one of my favorite things to do! I sing “Folsom Prison Blues” in my sets with Keith. I can’t sing as low as Johnny Cash, but I’ve got the key as low as I can go, so I can get that grit and rumble! It’s super fun, and I think I sound super sexy!
I can do so much more with my voice than “I’m a soprano” allowed me to do. And, I also find that my ego isn’t so tied to it, and therefore not wounded, when high notes aren’t so easy anymore.
I’ve been giving my clients an exercise to pick 5 core values to find what they want more of in their life. Instead of focusing on our “identities” which can be limiting, how do you want to feel? Do you need more joy in your life right now? More contentment? More playfullness? More stability? Take a look at the list. Pick the first 5 that jump out. Feel them in your body. Does that feel right? True? How can you use your voice to bring those to life and light in your world? Operating from - Does communicating this or singing this bring me contentment? - is much more expansive!
Do you have a story around your self? Your identity? Your voice? Your voice part?
What feels limiting? What feels like expansion?